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Duste

For being such an early album, there was a lot of good ideas in this one. I remember doing the whole thing within a few days in my college apartment, which looked out into a courtyard of bleak concrete.

The cover art is a photo of the greenhouse at Felmley Hall. It was eternally dusty/grimy, and people would write their names or draw hearts, or whatnot. There’s a big concrete block immediately across from it that I enjoyed sitting on.

Duste
  1. A Little Love - 2:48
  2. Waiting for Ms. Jane - 3:32
  3. Making Time to Pass - 2:31
  4. Little Mind - 2:54
  5. Far From Gold - 2:17
  6. Dejame Ir - 3:06
  7. Wonder What I Want - 3:36
  8. Reason (That I Don't Believe In) - 4:10
  9. Fall Beneath It - 3:34
  10. It's All War - 2:40
  11. I Find Heart - 3:36
  12. Duste - 3:52

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A Little Love

I’m tired of making this all up 
tired of making you call my luck 
tired of getting so bent out of shape 
I can’t get back out 
I’m shapeless now 
and I’m a boy and I can dream and I can live and I can scream 
and I can maintain this pain in my chest 
and I can hold onto this pain in my head 
and I can’t predict the future but I can predict at few turns 
and I can hope for the best 
I can sew like I know what’s ahead 
falls apart when you’re the man 
falls apart when you try to stand 
and I’m not motivated 
and I don’t run on change and money 
and sums of monies 
and I don’t run away from my failures 
I don’t run away from my failures 
don’t run away from my regrets 
just embrace on 
just embrace while you forget 
just embrace while you forget

Waiting for Ms. Jane

you think it all goes my way
but I’m just a pawn of the plans of today
first I wait and then I break
I dream in color, black, and white
of all of our favorite things
aggregated into waves
I try to beat back the sadness
knowing it’ll all be okay
I try to beat back the waves of
bad thoughts
knowing it’ll all go away

and I’m a man of no one
not a single allegiance to bear
not a god to rest my head on
or a woman for whom I can care

dreams lately they fail me
wishes take the stairs
stale as my day-old dessert
that i can barely bear

this pain
it’s this place
this place
which expunge the charade

Making Time to Pass

Lyrics lost.

Little Mind

I drip down the wall like paint 
I fall so far to come up restraint 
you can cut off my limbs 
you can cut off my clothes 
if you can find a way to hold 
no 
i’m never gonna return the same man i left 
i left a long time ago 

so forget your needs 
forget your lies 
forget your time 
it means nothing to me 
you mean nothing to me 
all of the lights turn on at once 
burn the skin at once 
turn the skin is one with wrong 

i consume my future 
i consume my usefulness 
i can choose my future 
i can choose my use for this 
I can lose, I can win 
I don’t know what’s coming up 
I don’t know what’s coming up 
I don’t know what’s 
inside my little mind

Far From Gold

change my name 
soon as I came home 
soon as I let go 

change my rope 
it won’t let go once I decide to throw my life away 
and go that way someday 
you pull out just to remain 
and pull down all of the shades 
the sunlight won’t fade 
never change your hey 

I change my face 
I contort it in 
all these different ways 
conscripted by the slaves 
my father knows no other cage 
than the one which I go to stay 
and fall asleep 
I break my bones 
I break my will to believe 
that somewhere is home 
but here I breathe 
and I here I need hope 

so far from gold 
so far from gold

Dejame Ir
I had a Spanish language dream, and it became this song.

por que 
eso no loco 
broko real 
no ojo le oso 
de roca por sode 
no ruta ve tu va 
tu luna 
e tu vas 
en escuela le pudan 
los unas 
they move us? 

se boon de va 
me ruin te llame 
tu en ve en vano 
escribe de mano 
lo ave 
yo 
a veo 

no se sabe 
lo ve 
a ve 
roca 
y da tres 
a ves 
y la ves 
mi pelo no a vase 
nueves picos vac es 

se boon de va 
me ruin te llame 
tu en ve en vano 
escribe de mano 
lo ave 
yo 
a veo 

mi papa 
y mi mama 
en los libros de llama 
dos ninos y nada 
le hijo ve para de y ve 
a mi nombre es el mismo 
hoy y ve 

me ruin te llame 
tu ve en vano 
escribo de mano 
lo ave 
soy 
a veo 

he told me to wait 
but I don’t know what he said 
I don’t speak in tongues

Wonder What I Want

Just beneath the layers 
of skin, make me scared of him 
so where’ s the exit 
when we enter through the stairs that give? 
misfortune cares a bit 
she carries dimes in her purse 
so sit and listen while she curses 
smitten with the spit and 
she mutters words that murder him 
scrape away at his urn 
the ashes blow away so he don’t learn 
flashing paper planes 
that we don’t turn over into paper change 
crumble and wait for weight to drain 
while I wonder what’s the difference 
if all I see is the same 

I wonder what I want 
I wonder what I want 
I wonder what I want 
wonder how far I can jaunt off 

I wonder what I want 
I wonder what I want 
I wonder what I want 

Caught red-handed 
before there were hands to stand with 
hand-in-hand, either quick to miss 
or land with what slows us 
too soon before we forget 
what knows us 
wheezing with a reason 
wheat thins and a pot of coffee 
there’s no god to stop me 
potted plants die on the windowsill 
I plan my life to end while I’m living still 
my friends have did it, still I’m finishing 
hand in hand 
I burn away the skin so I can stand the sun 
I’m simple, tied to the post 
I boast of wrinkles in my clothes 
and gloat about the singles I don’t hold 
but I’m single so I know that there’s ample 
time to go 
ample time to grow 
before I blow up 
or self-combust 
before I go up 
and find my attic filled with dust 
I’m at it, steel my magic 
heart of gold won’t ever rust 
the coals are cold to touch 
the furnace burns with my condolences 
goals are rolling in with what 
I question, no answers ever given much 
in terms of what’s left and 
I’m quick to judge 
because 

I wonder what I want 
I wonder what I want 
I wonder what I want 
how far I can jaunt off 

I wonder what I want 
I wonder what I want 
I wonder what I want 

lift your heart out of the recesses 
I call bluff on depression 
enough is enough 
once I’ve been blessed with 
what’s a lesson 
I don’t learn 
I rise with defeat 
I liven up the team 
and blurt out my failures 
for all to see, but I don’t fail 
I succeed 
even if I don’t achieve 
at least I’ll be 
at least I’ll breathe 
knowing my air don’t come cheap 
my meaning is valid even in alice’s wonderland 
I don’t get small 
I just come up from under, man 
It’s no wonder, man 
I’m not a wonder man 
not in demand 
just one to stand 
for what I believe in 
even in off chances 
what I believe is 
we living off ashes 

off our asses 
sit all day and shit away our assets 
skid away to manufactured back sets 
a swing set on one direction 
can’t return, have to limp on erection 
aperture, can’t see it’s a wreck 
so we elect to re-elect the same people 
to make it derelict, and angle our lines 
toward reel sex, populate the future 
with the futile that’s left 
the text is huge, so we don’t need to digest it 
just let it be, like the Beatles have said 
but to me, 
this dust covers the glass 
and we don’t dread it 
for decades underneath, lie pristine panes 
but under that, a weakness remains 
never seen the sun, so afraid of its rays 
never seen the plants inside of its cage 
never held the frame of its neighbor in pain 
but outside it just seems like 
we don’t know what we want

Reason (That I Don’t Believe In)

I don’t want to ever leave 
I don’t want to ever need a reason 

Tell me you’re leaving 
Tell me you’re leaving 
Tell me it’s all for some god-forsaken reason 
that I don’t believe in 
that I don’t believe in 

I try to eat my feelings away 
I try to make them fall to the way side 
like some highways built across the center of the country 
take you anywhere but where you need to be 

Tell me you’re leaving 
tell me you’re leaving 
tell me you’re leaving 
for some god-forsaken reason that I don’t believe in 
just tell me you’re leaving 

And it all means something to you 
in the grand scheme of things 
but I see it all in a different shade of grey 
a bigger picture where nothing fits your way 

So tell me you’re leaving 
tell me you’re leaving 
tell me you’re leaving 
for some god-forsaken reason 
that I don’t believe and 
I don’t believe in 
that I don’t believe in 

that I don’t believe in 
that I don’t believe in 
that I don’t believe in 
that I don’t believe in 

for some god-forsaken reason 
that I don’t believe in 
that I don’t believe in

Fall Beneath It

I am not a slim shady 
man-hating feminist 
white rapper 
trying to find his niche 
while he digs a ditch 
to find the life he puts in 
9to5 shifts 
and try to move the foot 
but it’s stuck in the list 
and I’m rapping ’cause I’m pissed 
I’d be angry if I quit 
you’d be angry if I did 
so this angle’s a bit 
broke 
but I’m not gonna get it fixed 

I spoke 
plain for the first time 
since I spoke my name in verse and 
never want to do the slow talk just to get there first 
I never want to go buy just to get their words 
and I’m so like 
all these rappers shit 
but I’m slow to notice it 
wonder if I’m supposed to fix 
or just float like I’m a fish 
so I want to know what’s in 
but I’m always out 
never picked for shows 
and too shy to ask 
so thats 
heavy to hold 
beating fast and barely raspy 
getting old 
so getting past me 
is easy 
just remember the bones 

take it slow 
don’t let it get to you 
take it all in at once 
and you’ll fall beneath it 
you’ll fall beneath it 
no need to lose 
no need to lose 

Trying to prove my point 
adrift with william willis 
he went out to sea, out to see if he could feel it 
but he never got his legs 
always trying to be but days 
catch up and waves 
stash a face for us 
to hate 
make us beg for love 
naked and waiting for love 
I take it and I tug 
my rope around my neck 
trying to break the chainage up 
but lexicons decipher the page 
and make it complex 
simple beauty in ink will fade 
when I’m gone and dead 
but 
I’m a living blog, post until I live at large 
and hope for little shards 
I’ll never die an old man, bold, 
go slow man 
so wrap myself in whittled blankets 
look out the window as it rains and 
hope for futures making music 
while I wait for better things 

take it slow 
don’t let it get to you 
take it all in at once 
and you’ll fall beneath it 
you’ll fall beneath it 
no need to lose 
no need to lose 

Trust myself to make the right decisions 
fell from things I can’t delete the image 
now it’s never, how it’s nothing 
I can’t ever sound like something 
I’m a complicated soul-washing 
the dust out of my body 
you ought to call me 
but I’m always out of reach 

never answer the phone 
even if its you and I want to speak 
but I’m true to my word that I don’t know what I’m doing 
make it up as I do and 
I’m not confident 
that’s why I have a name on top of my name 
just to compensate 
I don’t seek fame 
I don’t seek financial success 
I don’t seek swag 
I don’t seek sex 
so take away your comments and complaints 
about this ominous way to spend my summer 
drawing about my name 
in one word 

take it slow 
don’t let it get to you 
take it all in at once 
and you’ll fall beneath it 
you’ll fall beneath it

It’s All War

I tell you 
to be true 
tell you 
to live in tune 
with nature 
with cityscape 
with traffic 
with everyplace 
I take my time 

I forgive and I forget 
and I make it last forever 
last forever 

You may find yourself on this side 
I know 
If you find yourself on this side 
I know 

I know it’s hard 
but I can help you 
I’m not here for your health 
but your heart dude 
I know it’s weird when I’m a part of you 
But I’m not here 
I’m so far from you 

I fear your heart is too 
I rear my head and broom 
brush away all the dust 
flush away all the stuff 
I know 
I know it’s hard 
to stay around 

You may find yourself 


can only hope 
for I 
can never ever know 

So trust 
trust all that comes 

Hope 
hope for more 
But know it’s all war

I Find Heart

Never before have I felt this dope 
and it shows if I go shoulder to toe 
that I’ve grown in my flows 
and I’m blowing the soles 
out of the shoes and into the mold 
I brew my tea, steep it creeping out the peep 
and bleeping 
wonder how I can’t sleep 

I sleep in the 
fetal position 
feed him and listen 
bleed till he’s dripping 
weed out the victims 
and pick a magician 
magic trick made the man 
he’s half the shit he gives out in plastic bits 
inflict ow’s if I sharpen my wits 
and dish out a carpet of kicks 
I click now, but it’s all I can get 
the prick pounds the wall and I fit 
my hand into his mouth 
he’s landed two hundred pounds of attitude 
latitude added to, the fact that its too bad he’s mad at you 
had a proof and put in the pudding 
couldn’t be glad just to use you as a cushion 
he was a pushing, and he took a stance that said he was 
gushing rage 
he took a page from some book and looked ired my way 
took him a minute to finish 
and finish he did soon as I got within his limits 

then he came with venom in fang 
and wrang the clothes out 
ketamine shame 
I told him to slow down 
but veteran’s age 
the hold-out’s sticking to the flesh of the paste 
the blemish is timid for the fetish that fades 
that fled in place 
I remember the name 
tell him I did and I tell him I came 
this close to the finish of the game 
but I misspoke 
ended my reign 

the same goes 
for the name yo 
I’m plainspoke but it ain’t showing up 
with the wind that never blows enough 
I came and went before I showed how tough 
I change and think 
I shuffle cards and blink before you pick apart 
my heart, it’s ink, it never scars 
you think I’m hard? 
I’m soft as lard, as butter cut by a knife 
no other does it like I flutter by the trite 
mid-flight I bite into an apple, 
poison for your map I’ll 
toy with the spatula, no plans for coming back 
I’ll stir till time looks back at ‘ya 
matter of fact, I’m clashing with the class of never happened 
since I’m backward, looking captain 
ship of sad words, took a cap in 
the flat verse, it never collapses 
no hurt feelings when you’re clapping 
snapping back from bastard rapping 
hats and scabs of past tense slaps in 
the faces that squint when you say things 
just face it, you’re fading and wading into 
way too fast 
I’m mating my past with my made to order cast 
of iron-clad attacks 
and I am lying as I lie flat 
no pulse, its all quiet 
twenty times that 
dying as I climb back 
from the pit of lions 
I pity the lines that never see a typeset 
page 
all in the mind, trapped until they exit stage 
or never come alive 
I’m safe from the other guys 
I climb the corporate ladder from the outside 
and yeah, I move that fast 

Behind the shadows we hide 

Vie on the battlefield 
never time out 
just time to guess how the saddle feels 
I fly now, wings of shackled steel 
to pine about 
I pound my fists on ground to ground myself 
and drown my tells 
my bluffs are felt by the inmates 
earthquake intake 
no quick shave 
I think it breaks 
and so I link with fate 
and so of Lincoln take 
failure, drink it straight 
sail you’re raft into the breaks 
and swallow shit because you like the taste 
I think you might have a face 
but I don’t see it 
out in this barren fucking place 

buck the trend 
I walk with friends 
I walk across the desert 
just to find its end 
I try hard but I don’t find hards 
I try hard but I don’t find hards 

I buck the trend 
I walk with friends 
I walk across the desert 
just to try to find its end 
I try hard but I don’t find hards 
I try hard but I don’t find hards 
I find heart

Duste

Lyrics lost to time.