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The Beautiful Unknown

The Beautiful Unknown
    1. All I Need - 3:03
    2. Sunrise - 2:51
    3. Daylight - 3:41
    4. Evening on Hovey - 2:52
    5. I'm an Ocean (redone) - 2:47
    6. Of the City and the Forest - 3:44
    7. One Word - 3:37
    8. So Dark Outside - 2:50
    9. Forget Today - 1:51
    10. I Try - 2:45
    11. Night Watch - 3:39
    12. Be Quiet - 2:04
    13. To Mimic the Great - 0:46
    14. Wilt - 2:07

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All I Need

All I need 
is a couple dozen therapists 
don’t even care if its 
put me in the chair strap me to the air 
schizophrenic grandmother 
psychotic father 
wear my coat of arms 
when I go out as a martyr 
The market’s filled with people 
I can’t talk to 
lest I read them 
I don’t want to 
repeat this off-and-on truth 
I feed them all the wrong foods 
and beat them senseless 
leave their boots cemented 
bodies in the trenches 
no trunk or car to get away 
I hid away, in my head 
Identify by a different piece of ‘pape 
I break my legs on played mistakes 
and take a break to hope its dead 
but never knows my name 
I never said what was sent 
forever lasts is ever in finite 
the impotent state of the state 
makes me 
take all the time 
and put it away in the base-meent 
afraid of free, I take all the chances 
every opportunity to land from the building standing 
death is nothing new to me 
I live and feel banished 

All I need 
is a regiment of medicine 
I know you never said I’d ever be 
much more than dead to friends 
but damn, I’ll see 
just how far I can get on ten cents of liquid 
pitch a tent in difference 
tell them I will be the bitch 
the guinea pig and swallow shit 
I slip into the hollow pit 
the hole within the fault of bliss 
and follow swift like all the fish 
I call bullshit and fall on in 
but no one gets the stick 
and so 
I’m all that’s been 
lifted like a sticker on the lid 
of some old tin 
I fill a niche 
I feel the itch 
build and break like waves that you forget 
ice flows that kill a ship 
I s’pose I’m ill but no one’s pissed 
the bolsheviks show me not as this 
but homies hold me nodding 
all the businesses are flawed as 
whispers in the wind are lost 
like all the solvents 
problems I’m never close to solving 
all the things that I’m involved in 
often falling off the ball and 
all-in, I’m calling this the hardest 
office ever offered 
dolly parton 
pardon me as I spew garbage 
on the lawn that’s

Sunrise

I’m dreaming that my teeth are chipping 
once again the feeling’s different 
want a faker smile but my feet are slipping 
crocodile’s listen 
all the while this was just a prison 
chipper shit’s too much a bitch 
and all the vicious circles liquify 
like the lipids 
I exist on a different plane of quiet bliss 
the blisters pain me, paint me as lies and lips 
I know I’m changing 
but I try to hide it 
never too drastic 
We are always divided 
I’m always stuck in the middle 
just a rough image of an island 

I watch the sunrise as it rises 
watch the sunrise as it rises 
rises rises rises rises 
I watch the sunrise as it rises 
rises rises rises rises 
I watch the sunrise as it rises 
watch the sunrise as it rises 

I’m living a life that’s all the rage 
but it’s like, living in a cage with the key 
but no light to see the lock 
and stopping before you beat the block 
against your head 
beat the clock by taking out the batteries 
it’s sad to leave what’s never been 
we believe that this life will never end 
because there’s always more time 
for reaching around that next bend 
but it’s below waist that the all the water sits 
gaining weight as we hold out for the apocalypse 

And so 
I lift my eyelids when the sun picks my team 
to fight the night shift, I ride with the chariot 
cherry-picked by I don’t care that it’s a scary flick 
I flare the bits of ash toward their faces, kicking ass 
and making names for ourselves, but the flakes hit 
the bigger picture, making waves in the type 
of blog-based scripture, like nothing you could wish for 
this never goes right 

I watch the sunrise as it rises 
watch the sunrise as it rises 
rises rises rises rises 
I watch the sunrise as it rises 
rises rises rises rises

Daylight

Break face to save it later 
As all the pages fade 
and little strings of fate pull us together 
as platonic mates 
in musical endeavors and dates 
exchange numbers and wait 
for the day to begin 
and the night to finish 
fight till the end within the lies of limits 
small beasts with big shadows 
find their way into our hearts with forgiveness 
when we speak 
our breath is shallow 
fall asleep 
because every man is a sinner 
at the cynical center of his galaxy 
then his universe 
as his salary increases 
not only does his belt gain girth 
but the week gives into weakness 
feelings that trump facts 
opinionated soundtracks to bounce back 
what’s been pronounced bad 
and douse the flames 
in clouds of ash 
to obscure the present moment from the past 
and when the clouds open, the moment has passed 
but all the crowd’s going every-which-way they can 
but home and so we stand alone in the back 

daylight 
keeps us alive 
— 
like daylight 
light light 
keeps us alive (x4) 
— 
like daylight 
daylight 
keeps us alive 
— 
like daylight 
light light 
keeps us alive (x2) 
like daylight 

nothing’s ever what it’s cracked up to be 
better to live in fantasy 
than give up living half you see 
but fallacies are maladies 
flawed logic is my only problem 
I’ll have written all the volumes 
with the sickness 
different in all the columns 
nothing but the dollar signs 
and different colored collars 
but none of them count as mine 
It’s all in the rigged up followers 
chump change to make up time 
And run in place when I’m walking 
to speed up the distance 
too busy with the distinct talking 
taking from the rich to give to the poor 
of vigor and happiness, not riches 
that make you shit crooked, give a shit no more 
the sappy bliss of a 
big name in a bigger book, and 
little bubble world too small to overlook 
the tiny things that get you caught beneath the rubble 
where no one would ever think to look 
or go through the trouble 
I know this good, better than the back of my hand 
my only hope is that you can understand this 
that you can understand this man 
— 
I don’t even care about the questions 
lessons learned best left unsaid 
better to meddle than mess with the head 
better to give it than get, or get it than give 
not sure which, depends on whose got the growing dick 
and goes with it, so slow to finish 
tell a story, talk about the problems 
and headless horsemen through allegory 
and morse code every morning 
an sos sent out to the nearest friend willing to help 
but everyone’s too busy moping about their own hell 
I wrote about the tone of the bell, the road I felt 
reverberating through the heart and mind 
no concern of mine to start the mating 
dance until a disconcerted lady friend of mine finds a 
branch 
I climb the branch 
follow the vines to the end of the sky 
and the top of the tree to see 
what I’ve been missing 
just beyond the rise of the distance 
nothing to see but prisons 
and prisms of existence 

Evening on Hovey

I watch the minutes pass 
haze across the limits 
last I heard 
it was a piece of cake 
but no one ever came 
back from that sleeping state 
I never finished my search 
for real estate 
beyond the distance of what’s barely safe 
Live out my days as an introvert 
catch my breath on the sidewalk, in between steps 
Just to trip on words and digest all the noise 
to keep up the levels I guess 
I guess I fill the void 
in my chest with the voice in my head 
Climb the tallest hedge 
to bet my last dollar against the thread of fate 
that connects me to every-which-way I never came 
If I’ve ever laid my hands on a body in shame 
I’m sorry, but that’s the way that I was raised 
Everything is replaced by bigger wastes of space 
or so they say, as I 
state my name 

Looking through the thinnest glass 
I see out 
Into me 

I don’t look half bad in the cold 
shoveling my way to a bad back, I suppose 
Uphold my rules, my way of life, my ideals 
anything that feels right 
my friendships are like abandoned houses 
in that they’re beautiful untouched 
nothing about them changes 
no matter how much is undone 
plain jane with her diamond ring 
and the chipper one always bringing down the whole team 
I’m an insignificant part of their lives 
but I try to make sure that this part is the best of their time 
and i do anything to keep them around but 
I know we’re drifting and that’s just fine for now 
soon it’ll all go away 
and I won’t know what to do 
not sure if everything will be okay 
but I know they’re out there somewhere, living their lives 
and I hope to be doing the same 
even if I’m in a different place and time 
nothing ever really changes 
as long as you know 
they’re somewhere out there for you 
even if you forget where they go 

Looking through the thinnest glass 
I see out 
Into me

Of the City and the Forest

look at the skyline 
fade into the clouds 
like faces that aren’t mine 
facing the crowd 
I walk in a straight line 
down a street I’ve never been 
hoping for the best 
but getting no less 
than deficits 
of interaction 
medicated, pre-meditated 
talks and action 
I wave but no one sees me 
passerby pass me by 
as I begin bleeding 
but I’m bad at falling 
didn’t learn from the previous proceedings 
ashes in the urn 
are calling my name 
but it’s a cardboard box 
because we treat the dead like rocks 
and treat the living just the same 

I pay for the pain 
with my introversion 
can’t keep up the levels of dopamine 
and I’m back for the burning 
turning my back to the furnace 
wishing it would pull me in 
but back to the burdens 
I met on a whim 
through people I met 
at a flimsy excuse for gathering 
disjointed parts and techno-babbling 
I pour my heart but it’s vaporized 
into the food that no one takes for mine 
thrown away in paper rinds 
don’t remember my name but I’m 
the only one that isn’t making lies

One Word

I like to think of myself as someone else 
so far away, the distance is the only thing I’ve ever felt 
Even when I’m close to people 
separated by posters and quotes, I feel so alone 
never equal, my peers are people I fear 
never know what’s real 
hallucinate and hear things I know I’ll never see right here 
but a tear brings only more 
think about the consequences of every open broken door 
and consequently my defenses end at the window I never meant to be 
meant to see so much more, but it seems our lives end in entropy 
I relish the beauty of the chaos I wish you were meant for me 
But I will stay off the lawn as long as you will be 
my off-and-on partner in semi-criminal activities 
make the most of our time here 
before we have to live in deep 
cities and townships, all the places I’d never want to live 
so around this I draw a circle 
within it a face, colored purple and grey 
a grimace, but not the character 
in a way I never cared for her 
All I say is I’m scared 
with a few pure teeth left to save 
no one spared their first 
As I ruminate on these thoughts 
as I run away from all the things I wish I would’ve forgot 

this is who i am one word at a time, one line 
this is who I am one line at a time 
one word, one line 
at a time 

Fighting the highs and lows 
of sugar and blood pressure 
one good day for every thousand or so that never lets ‘ya 
down and the sounds that make you better 
get the tiny compliments where you hide behind your other self 
the kinda men that bide their time well 
and find the fence undisturbed 
like the occupants 
never walked across this earth 
I talk again, running over the same words 
with my famous pen 
the one I carry where it hurts 
research outside my comfort zone 
but record in the bedroom 
because comfort’s home 
I live to be dead too 
just like everyone else 
but that’s not the goal they put 
on their trophy shelf 
or the objective in the resume 
never want to tell 
your future employers 
you’re looking forward to a vacation in hell 

not that I believe in those statements 
but they’re mine and I might as well make them 
everything I say is fair game for rephrasing or paraphrasing 
afraid to ever say my name and i shrivel like a raisin 
in the sun when I’m in front of a crowd I’ve never met before 
think they’re all talking about my flaws and what better they’ve seen before 

this is who i am one word at a time, one line 
this is who I am one line at a time 
this is who i am one word at a time 
give it time, fresh out 
give it time, right? 

just let it go

So Dark Outside

The figures in the fog talk louder and louder 
but I can’t put my finger on what they’re all about and 
so I forget the simple talk, syllables and lincoln logs 
the building blocks are glued together, just a little more acetone 
to loosen up until something better falls from the sky, but we’re already bruised enough 
and our minds are toned too tight until they lose the stuff inside 
at night, we close our eyes and look up, up into the sky, for the fighting spirit 
orion’s belt’s mine for the stealing, mine for the feelings felt, feeling held 
back to the first square, where we first dealt the first fears and 
taught ourselves how to be the ‘pers you see here 
but I’m the only one 
others are my double’s shadows 
in the lonely sun, the shallow pools of protoplasm grow, atom by atom 
And though, I’m turning around, with my back facing the entrance 
I don’t worry about going down when the best of them aren’t present 

so dark outside 
so dark outside 

Blue eyes with dark hair, its the new thing I hear 
replacing walks in the park with superficial artwork 
doesn’t touch the soul, just the irises and hearts of coal 
So far, so cold 
I bundle up, hoping it’ll go away but knowing nothing ever does 
I go a way I know I shouldn’t but 
stray from the path I set for myself 
say that is that 
but no one ever does the same 
because of greed and rabbits in the cabbage patch 
I carve my own lane made up of the fat 
And slowly die, becoming ever larger than the stash 
I grow and like, a token hole in my line of sight 
I stroke the rope, pulling as holds so tight 

steadfast to the goals 
hope for the hole in one 
ever faster it goes 
coast to the boat you won 
and hope for that hole in one 

so dark outside 
so dark outside

Forget You

He knocks but doesn’t wait for a response 
And talks on and on as we cross the quad 
His garments scream sex, or so he says 
but we don’t believe the things we guess 
until he decrees it’s all in the decks 
leave nothing to chance 
but it’s all hedging bets 
and pants, wearing them around the ankles 
handcuffs himself to the desk-bed at weird angles 
all the property, all the rules must be followed 
anyone talking about me, swallow the pills before we’re followed
hollow hearts lit on fire by the opposite part, simple hallo? 
a halo, pure of intention but bitter by indirect intervention 
not to mention the letter that lets you lay low 
and call bullshit on any ocean of legos 
play the minecraft, eat the eggos 
take your time with that, I’ll wait across the road 
and find the fastest ticket home 
while you’re fiddling with the keys on a rope 
specifically paracord and your robe 
wear the headscarf and bass pro hat 
hawaiian shirt, nobody else will look like that 

CHORUS 
it’s all okay 
there’s no need to worry or wait 
tomorrow will come 
before we ever forget today 
so don’t worry 
tomorrow will come 
before we ever forget today 

He comes back 
awake in the morning 
not sure what day it is 
disheveled but worn 
and like a fading suit 
frayed at the ends 
warning us and 
afraid of everything being true 
the world bends around him 
taking its time moseying 
You can guarantee he’ll bring a frown to your face 
as soon as you’re close to him 
but let’s take a step back or two 
pose a question as we binge 
as he drinks his coffee black 
and bill sits, looking back 
nothing fills time better than killing the gaps

Night Watch

There’s no way in, no way out 
I’m not sure when to get up 
because I don’t know where I fell down 
the hole now is all I’ll ever be 
just scratching at the walls of apathy 
and never see the sun as it rises greater 
than I saw set 
the raw text becomes my next best bet 
as all the pain piles up and I fall to bed 
and rile up the crowd I led across the frozen surface 
only the polar bears know that no one deserves this 
I cross the street, looking for a sign or landmark 
but all I can see is land that goes on 
and the sky in its arc 
no cars will stop 
no calls can be made 
so I throw the phone away 
and hope for the moonlight 
but it’s a new moon 
even though there’s no new night 

I ruin all my shoes on bits of broken glass 
on my way home, but I don’t know 
which way is that? 

I don’t know 
Which way is that? 
Which way is that? 

Am I close? Am I far? 
Do I know? Who I am? 
What I are? X2 

I hone in on the tallest of towers 
but I know it could still be hours and hours 
and I hold the map in my hand 
knowing it’s no good in a city I no longer understand 
and it’s a pity, if I only had lifted a finger 
or a palm-print 
I could’ve waved this all away 
had I simply known the plan 
but it’s too late 
I’m falling and 
As a man I know not 
the recipe for good intentions 
lest it be written upon my inventions 
and destiny intertwines its lines with fate 
never know the day I know I will fade 
But I’ll wait, because 
It’s all in your best interests 
But I’m not into this 
this cinder block, crumble under the weight of my symbols 
a fickle lock 
the weight of the world’s the way in 
to the words on the way out 
I’m flailing my arms 
drowning in a sea of undetonated bombs 
hey now, I’m calling out 
into the waves 
where no one is going now 
but at least I feel safe 

I ruin all my shoes on bits of broken glass 
on my way home, but I don’t know 
which way is that? 

I don’t know 
Which way is that? 
Which way is that? 

Am I close? Am I far? 
Do I know? Who I am? 
What I are? X2

Wilt

The pine needles fall with the snowflakes 
these days get old 
we rest in low graves 
all I can say is though its so late 
there’s nothing left for us but to go away 

I said that I would call and that we would talk 
But I never called, we never talked 
and that is how we cut our losses off 
with our arms, we criss-cross immune systems 
build bombs out of used inference 
and tell until we’ve used all the views 
you’re the muse, but no idea lasts 
when it’s something new 
re-aboriginal 
I wonder didja know this or that 
I bring you close to bring you bad 
news you don’t need to know 
but I will stop to tell you 
sell you trash 
that stretches forever 
into infinite collapse 
its never made much of a difference 
whether you’re into it 
or digging your grave 
rhyming about the simple things 
that have been put in place 
I think myself away 

The pine needles fall with the snowflakes 
these days get old 
we rest in low graves 
all I can say is though its so late 
there’s nothing left for us but to go away